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In which Dementors exchange metaphysical fluids.
In which Dumbledore makes a bet on love, Snape has an obligation to murder, and Peter is a little impatient.
In which the physical layout of objects in an impediment to the narrator telling us what's on the news.
In which a portkey's a Panera Bread, and the universe will always have a home in Hogwarts.
In which Mr. Tom's entire life is meaningless, and Harry sniffs a bullet.
In which wizards favor whimsy, and bludgers, and beaters, and snitches, and seekers.
In which Harry's being foolish.
In which Harry sees another gleam of triumph, and Ron doesn't respect the creative process.
In which a bias against ghosts is a little understandable, and only one kid gets to be Sandy.
Discussion of drug-facilitated sexual assault.
In which love is a good thing, Voldemort is only the bad things, Dumbledore banks on loophole bullshit, Peter is nailed to a a door, Mister Tom discovers the true meaning of fanfiction, and Reggie likes Bob Ogden.
In which Voldemort fails to do the thing.
In which the trio goes to the mall, and powerful wizards have been empowered to write new code into the platonic realm.
In which moms love Dumbledore's memories, and Mrs. Cole joins the zoo.
In which Ron strikes a jaunty pose and Jo still needs the party to happen.
In which Reggie wins the respect of horses, and Mr. Tom might just snap.
In which Harry's world is divided into good people and Death Eaters.
In which you don't have a chicken garden.
In which Harry plays Voldemort in a reenactment, and the listener gets a lesson in poisoning strategy.
In which Dumbledore gets murdered for bonus points.
In which Dumbeldore's goofy about love, and Hepzibuh wears many corsets.
In which Harry Potter is a love superhero, and a shufti is taken.
In which Mr. Tom gets a foot tattoo, and Harry goes to Mars, and Rupert Grint.
In which the buffalo's death is a part of it, and Mr. Tom was worried about a fetch quest, and souls are midi-chlorians but that's okay, and Mr. Tom misremembers having read the Harry Potter series, and Dumbledore dumblesplains Harry's desire for revenge to Harry, and Gryffindor brought back pens, and Peter wants his own skeleton.
In which Harry sees Harry, and is mean to Dean.
In which Snape notices the lovely day.
In which Dumbledore loses his cool and brings a knife.
In which someone is dead.
In which Harry doesn't have time for Rab.
In which Peter doesn't need to hear about Tonks right now.
In which Denis was a weird time-baby, Voldemort sounds like a french thing he likes, Scrimgeour is not seasonal, Jo is pro 90's, Harry's not going back to school, and Ginny saw this coming.